EveryBODY is Beautiful
There's something I've alluded to but haven't talked about on here and, considering how much of my brainpower it has taken up since August, I think it's time that I share. Buckle up, I'm about to get really vulnerable and maybe a tad too #firstworldproblems.
If you've been reading for a while, you know that I was a die-hard Flywheel girl (wheel and barre), only occasionally straying to try a class in another method. All this changed in August and I now get my cycling fix at Cyc.
Why and why does it matter? First, I have to say that it wasn't easy to make the change. I have met many fabulous people at Flywheel, in fact, three of my closest friends who, if I get married, I want in my wedding (sorry in advance guys and girl), came from being a client there. That said, the new bikes they have combined with the numbers are not the right fit for my body at this time. The bike change brought on a mini-bursitis flare and after some time away, I was able to see how over the years I had allowed Flywheel to take on too large a role in my life.
My twenties were not always the easiest (anyone else feel me on that?). Law school was demanding and the bike was a way to escape. Much of my social life became dominated by Flywheel-related events or happy hours with people I met there and I didn't foster other relationships. Before I go any further, I want it be clear that I that I take full responsibility for this. Flywheel offers a fabulous workout with top-notch instructors, in fact I still do Flybarre all the time (or will once my pulled muscle/slipped rib sorts itself out).
Over the past decade, the fitness scene in NYC exploded and these cult-like groups of #[insertstudio]fams sprang up and I was #flyfam. Seeing someone with apparel from your studio or hearing someone talk about a favorite instructor basically translated to finding someone who was part of your tribe and potentially a new friend. I have described myself on more than one dating app as a Flywheel-addict. When I walk by the studios I used to basically live at, I feel a twinge of something like homesickness.
A perfectionist, I've also come to realize that the numbers were doing more harm than good to my relationship with my body. When I first went to Cyc, I would try to convert beats to Flywheel's torq/rpm combos and come away wondering if I had gotten the equivalent of at least a 260 score (i.e. a good workout for me). Now I will still sometimes try to sort out the torq (though Flywheel has since changed their numbers), but rather than thinking about an overall score and letting that dictate if I had a good workout or not, I think, did I challenge myself? Did I sweat? Did I have a good time? Great! On with the rest of the day. (For the record, it's a good workout.)
At Cyc, I have found self-acceptance and self-confidence in my body like never before. I used to always be uncomfortable when a woman was just wearing a sports bra or a guy took off his shirt, not any more (which now makes me think that I must have been projecting). Before Cyc, I hadn't really seen people of all shapes and sizes wear just a sports bra. I was inspired and challenged myself to try it. Now, more often than not, I too wear just a sports bra on top and I don't care what anyone thinks. It's about me and how I feel.
As we get deeper into 2018, and I get farther from the date when I cancelled my Superfly membership (is it majorly pathetic that typing that out was sad), it's still hard but I am starting to feel whole again. I miss a lot of the people who once filled my life. Some have stayed in touch and along the way I've learned who genuinely cared about me and not just the number count for their classes. Yet as with any void, it has begun to fill and I have made room in my life for so many new things, chief among them, loving myself.
If you're still reading, thank you and you're a trooper. I don't have any wise words to sum this up but I needed to share and if any of you have something in your life that you love but think might be holding you back, try taking some time away and see what happens, you can always go back.