Going With The Flow
In so many ways, the past few weeks have been one long blur. Drag myself out of bed (has anyone else been exhausted post-injury/during recovery? I feel like I have a sleeping disorder), gym, work, eat, sleep, repeat. I’ve tried to break this rut and find inspiration by creating a “routine.”
It seems like everywhere you look, someone is touting their morning routine or Sunday self-care rituals. They always sound so lovely and yet, I just can’t get anything to stick. I tried “morning pages,” which I did enjoy; setting a bed time; and trying to meditate again. Truthfully, I am so tired when my alarm goes off that I simply forgot to keep doing morning pages. As for the other two, when the allotted times approached, I, like your fun babysitter or parent on vacation, gave myself permission to skip it today, which turned into, let’s not do that ever again. In the past, I have very much been a routine girl, but right now, routines just don’t seem to be working for me. I think a big part of it has to do with the change from freelance life, where my work schedule was so unpredictable that I would do everything I could to keep a sense of stability and sameness with my off-hours, to having a work schedule that more or less is the same every day, making me subconsciously less concerned with creating structure for my personal time. Whatever the reason, over the past few months, but particularly since my ankle, I have been much better at going with the flow, and may actually be getting too good or just simply lazy.
Fingers crossed, my ankle has finally turned a corner and soon I will be back to my old tricks (i.e. spinning — the elliptical is so boring and lonely, not thinking about how much walking might be on my slate for the day and how best to utilize cab trips, and planning some weekend trips/day trips). As I ease back into myself, I want to make sure that I find a middle ground and don’t get stuck in a rut while also not letting myself veer into lackadaisical land, as can easily happen when I don’t have a schedule. Some days that may mean getting up right when the alarm goes off to get to X activity on time because the day is mapped out without any wiggle room and others it will mean accepting a last minute invitation for a fun evening out. It will be messy, and it should be because that’s life. I may even incorporate one of my failed routine’s into the mix as I go, but as long as I’m being deliberate with my decisions, being present, and listening to my heart, I know that I’ll find the right balance.