Friends Forever, Friends for Never?
"I miss you, let's get together!" I text I know well. But the follow up, or rather, follow through, is often lacking, if it even exists.
At some point, I took over the role of being the one to always reach out. It's exhausting but left me with plans and seeing people and having fun was fulfilling so I kept doing it. But then I started to wonder, why don't people reach out to me? Why don't people always wish me good luck before a big day? Ask how I'm feeling when I'm sick? Maybe my friendships aren't what I thought they were. Maybe they aren't even friendships. (Note: There are a handful of people to whom this does NOT apply. You know who you are and I love you more than I love brownies, which you know is A LOT.)
I started thinking about these "friendships" and comparing them to dates where I've never seen the guy again or he's ghosted. Why would I want a support system full of people who don't want to spend time with me or, even if they do, can't be bothered to make the effort. Someone who doesn't reach out, doesn't really value seeing me or they'd make it happen. Friendship, like a romantic relationship, is a two-way street.
This past week I read a blog post entitled, "19 Great Truths My Grandmother Told Me on Her 90th Birthday." Number sixteen really struck me:
Who we choose to be around matters immensely. – Spend time with nice people who are smart, driven and likeminded. Relationships should help you, not hurt you. Surround yourself with people who reflect the person you want to be. Choose friends who you are proud to know, people you admire, who love and respect you—people who make your day a little brighter simply by being in it. Ultimately, the people in your life make all the difference in the person you are capable of being. Life is just too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. When you free yourself from these people, you free yourself to be YOU. And being YOU is the only way to truly live.
Rather than spend my time trying to get people to be the friends I want them to be, I need to let those relationships go, or recognize them for what they are and make room for people who will make me feel loved and supported, people who will make me feel like I have the value that I do. It's not easy and something I will likely be working on for a long time, particularly with a few "friendships," but I owe it to myself and I owe it to those in my life who are there, unquestionably and unwaveringly.
Have you ever found yourself in a "friendship?"